Testimonials-spoof

Hear what people are saying...

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!

“I wanted to let you know that TeamSnap is really outstanding — it has completely changed my bowling team. Honestly, it's hard for me to restrain myself because I just love it. [Jumps up on couch and does a dance.] There, I feel better. But really, this is tremendous. When I'm not keeping an eye on Katie, I'm using TeamSnap to manage every single detail of my team. You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! Look, if you knew the history of team sports like I do — and you don't — you'd know that TeamSnap is truly revolutionary.”

— Tom Cruise
    “Scientology Strikers” bowling tea


Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis non misericordiam!

“We are moving toward a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as definitive and has as its highest value one's own ego and one's own desires. This is why the church has placed its faith in TeamSnap for the Vatican hockey team. The church needs to withstand the tides of trends and the latest novelties, but TeamSnap's angelic interface is just divine — we are especially fond of the 'Refreshments' feature.”

— Pope Benedict XVI
    “Angels of No Mercy” inline hockey team


OMG that's like so hot!

“No matter what a woman looks like, if she's confident, she's sexy. And that's what's so hot about TeamSnap. It gives my rugby team so much confidence, we're by far the cutest ones in the league. You know what else I like? That I can pick a color scheme for our team. Oh, and that TeamSnap is built with Ruby on Rails. Isn't that hot?”

— Paris Hilton
    “Cute n Hot” rugby team


So easy, even top management can use it

“In terms of doing things I take a fairly scientific approach to why things happen and how they happen. And that's why I've chosen TeamSnap to be implemented as the standard sports team online platform for Microsoft. It has a simple interface that even our management team can use, and that's a big plus. I believe TeamSnap is destined to be the most important sports team management system of all time.”

— Bill Gates
    “Blue Screen of Death” wiffleball team


I've finally found what I'm looking for

“If I could put it simply, I would say that I believe there's a force of love and logic in the world, a force of love and logic behind the universe. And that force is evident in TeamSnap. It's so brilliant. The interface is so clean, it's like poetry.”

— Bono
    “We're Gonna Beat U2” soccer team


TeamSnap has gravitas, dignity, and balls

“I've said that the best way to change the system is to wait until it changes. And as all the nation's heroes out there now know, TeamSnap has finally changed the system. My unpaid intern hockey team was a mess until we started using TeamSnap. Now we can really plan out the season — which gives my interns more time to skim all those letters my fans send. TeamSnap is a sports team service with gravitas, with dignity, with balls. P.S. Go Saginaw Spirit! Kaw!”

— Stephen Colbert
    “American Heroes” ice hockey team


Every...body...gets...to...dodge!

“Living in the moment brings you a sense of reverence for all of life's blessings. And one of those blessings for my dodgeball team has been TeamSnap. If you want your life to be more rewarding, you have to change the way you think and that's exactly what TeamSnap has done for us. No more worrying if Gail is going to show up to the game or not. I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time, but with TeamSnap you can come very close.”

— Oprah Winfrey
    “O Watch Out” dodgeball team


Mmmm... tastes good!

“I have a message for anyone who's on a softball team: If you're playing to win, use TeamSnap. Listen to me, I'm dead serious. I'm bloody Ozzy Osbourne, I'm the Prince of bloody Darkness. And if you don't sign up for TeamSnap right now I'll bite your bloody head off.”

— Ozzy Osbourne
    “Headless Bats” softball team